Monthly Archives: September 2012

What Our Friendship Means to Me

Being a best friend means making a promise. It’s telling someone you will fight for them, against anyone, no matter how hard it gets. It means keeping secrets. But it means not keeping secrets, too, not from each other.

It means inside jokes, late nights, long phone calls. Calling each other out on your shit. Literally saying “Get over yourself, Jess.” Kicking each other down a notch when your ego is out of control but being there to build each other up when you need it most. It’s reminding them what matters most when they seem to have forgotten.

Best friends means knowing when you need to push harder and when you need to back off. It’s crossing a line when you didn’t know when to back off but being forgiven anyway. It’s letting them verbally kick the crap out of you when they really want to do it to someone else. You take it so they don’t fuck up a relationship with someone who may not fully understand.

Knowing you have a steady constant in a constantly shifting world, that’s best friendship. It’s always being excited for each other, wanting the absolute best for someone who’s fighting to make sure you have the absolute best, too.

It means buying the most kick ass birthday presents. EVER.

It means baking too many cookies and sending care packages across the country. It’s YouTube videos and song lyrics and movie quotes.

Best friends doesn’t mean being in the same room. It doesn’t even mean being in the same state. It just means being there, no matter what, always. It means someone is going to love you, even when you fuck up. Someone isn’t going to judge, isn’t going to tell you what you should have done differently.

It doesn’t mean you’re perfect. It doesn’t mean they’re perfect, either. Best friends doesn’t always make sense, but it doesn’t always have to, really. It just has to be.

Best friends means doing whatever it takes to make it work, because it’s always going to be worth it.

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When it’s Time to Say Goodbye

Friendships are hard, especially in life post college. They don’t come as easily as they once did, and it’s a lot more convenient to just let them fall by the wayside than to actually try and make them work. But what happens when the friendship just kind of keeps sticking around, even though you know it’s long past time to say goodbye to someone?

I can name more than one person (OK, a whole lot more…I’m actually too embarrassed to tell you exactly how many) that I’ve been keeping around because they remind me of a time in my life when I was happy. When things were good, and I could count on steady plans every Friday night. Hell, even when things were bad–they were the people I knew were going to be there with a suggestion to go get ice cream at 2am. (Thank God for college towns and a 24-hour Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins, btw.)

But now, 2 years out of college, where do those friendships really fit into my new life?

They aren’t really people who will come visit me in Indiana. And they aren’t really the kind of people that I would die for the chance to spend a weekend crashing on their couches, either. So unless they happen to pass through town or I head their way and have a chance to grab lunch after spending time with a real friend, we aren’t going to be hanging out any time soon.

The sad part is, they used to be the kind of people who would absolutely come visit me at my new place. Can my place even be called new anymore, now that I’ve lived here more than a year and a half? Technically it would still be new to them, I guess, seeing as how they’ve never set foot inside. I’d say that totally counts.

And if you want to know the truth…one or two of those people have even been here before. But the way things have played out in our lives since then, I don’t know if I would really want to invite them back. They’ve become more of a burden than a person I’d actually care to spend my time with.

I’ve said numerous times that I don’t need to be in the business of turning down friendships. I can always use more people to hang out with or text when I’m bored. That’s probably why I do everything I can to stay friendly with exboyfriends or bitchy girls who I really have no need for anymore. But they want to be my friend still? Sure, let’s totally try hanging out again! Even though I know it is going to go very very badly.

In reality, though, those kind of relationships have a way of working themselves out. Push finally comes to shove and they seem to end on their own. The ones that just keep going, while being only mildly annoying–those are the friendships I’m worried about.

How do you break up with a friend that you’re only semi-friends with in the first place? A person that you know you’re going to want to text when things get hard or when something amazing happens? Sadly, I find myself asking if I truly want to share the news with these people or if I text them quite literally because I have almost no one else to tell.

To those of you who are actually important in my life, and I have no doubt that you know who you are, you guys rock and I will always call/text/email you first when something crazy awesome happens (which is more often than not, these days). But to those of you who are still out there on the fringe. I think it’s time to finally cut the cord.

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750 Words

Yesterday, I discovered a new Web site.  A writing site, designed for the sole purpose of getting people in the habit of simply putting words down on paper (well technically, the Internet). Every day.

750 words per day, to be exact.

The author of the site says 750 words averages out to be about three pages of typed text. So he encourages people to just write. No prompts, no themes. Just put down 750 words, come back tomorrow, and do the same thing. The site will even send you an e-mail reminder every morning to get your butt to the computer and write your words.

They also have a month-long challenge to see who can commit to writing three pages a day for an entire month. If you fail, you get put on the Wall of Shame, which is pretty awesome, if you ask me. But you don’t have to participate in the challenge, if you don’t want, because some people probably don’t like the idea of being shamed in public. Really, all you have to do is write as often as you can.

As I said, I only discovered the site yesterday, so I’m not 100% sure of all the features, but that’s the basic concept. They track your stats–how many words you average a day, how long it takes you to get to your 750, how many breaks you take while writing, and how distracted you are (how many times you stop typing but don’t leave the page–I think). It even analyzes your words and looks for common themes, summarizing your popular topics and what type of mood they think you were in while you were writing your words.

Technically, there is a disclaimer to not read too much into that portion of it, but I think it’s pretty cool.

But this site could not have come at a better time. I just wrote about how badly I want to keep writing about my issues with finding what I want to do in life. And what better way to do that than force myself to just sit down and churn out the sentences? It doesn’t really matter if they make sense or if my word choice is perfect. Good grammar isn’t going to win me any points there. (But they do keep score. Seriously. It’s fantastic.)

I’m not even clear on whether or not other people can see the things you write. I know there is a sharing feature, but I haven’t looked into it enough to really know how it works. I just know that I found the site, and within the hour I was signed up and had started writing for the day. And now I’m telling you about it.

So go check it out, if writing is your thing!

Also, I posted on this yesterday…but I made a Facebook page. Not quite sure how I’ll use it just yet, but I’d for sure love your support!

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I Made a Facebook Page!

I really wasn’t sure if I wanted to or not, but last night I went for it.

Go check it out?

I’ll be back tomorrow with a real post, promise!


On Finding My Purpose

I am immensely envious of the people who know exactly where they want their lives to go. I’ve worked with and known a large number of people who are exactly like that. It’s as if they woke up one morning and the sun was shining through the window, illuminating a little map–here’s what you’re supposed to do! This is what you’re good at, how you’re supposed to make a living! Now go get it done!!

I hate you people.

Although I really don’t. Don’t be mad at me, because I didn’t mean it, I swear. I know you’ve probably worked crazy hard to get where you are. Questioned yourself a million times before figuring it out. There probably wasn’t actually a map. (Probably.) I get it. But once you’ve found that thing you love to do, everyone can tell. It radiates off of you. And God does that make me jealous.

Currently, I am an editor at a healthcare marketing company. People send me the things they’ve written, and I do my best to fix it for them. As my mom says, I just like to tell people exactly how they went wrong and hope I can get someone to pay me for it. It’s kind of a socially acceptable form of being bossy. But who knows? Maybe I’ll eventually figure out that’s what I’m supposed to be doing, but it sure doesn’t feel like it right now. Right now I feel…stuck.

I’ve heard it said that your true calling lies where the things you are good at intersect with the things you are truly passionate about. Well, I have yet to find that common ground.

Things I’m good at include listening to people’s problems, reading books, baking way more cookies than I can possibly eat, and making craft projects–as long as they include very strict directions for me to follow. I’m not quite as good if I have to use my imagination. (These things do not include dancing, killing bugs, keeping my apartment clean, networking, or parallel parking.)

I am truly passionate about my friends and family, the St. Louis Cardinals, Harry Potter, coaching and playing volleyball, and writing. (I am not at all passionate about drinking beer, playing mini-golf, or going to the dentist.)

So where does that leave me? Well right now, it’s left me looking around thinking, “What’s next?”

Where am I meant to go from here? I don’t knowww. I don’t know what I’m doing and, quite frankly, it’s making me whiny.

Oh! That’s another thing we can add to the list of what I’m good at. I bet you I could get at least four people to write me a letter of recommendation about how good I am at being whiny. Although I’d probably have to whine at them before they’d actually do it…

But this not knowing thing–it really is making me crazy. I need to do some serious thinking about how I’d like it all to go. Figure out how to turn into one of those people who just gets it. Just knows where their life is headed and how they’re going to get there.

I’m sorry. I know I’ve kinda written about this before. Is it some sort of unspoken rule of blogging that you aren’t allowed to complain about something, not really do anything to try and make it better, and then complain about it again?

God, I hope not. Because I want to keep writing about it. I want to keep forcing myself to think about the words in hopes that something will strike a chord and fall into place. (Plus I already like this post a lot better than that one.)

I want a life that challenges me. Pushes me beyond what I ever thought I could do and makes me a better person. I want to have the chance to put a spin on this world that is characteristically mine. And figuring out what my thing is…that’s my first step to making that happen.

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