Friendships are hard, especially in life post college. They don’t come as easily as they once did, and it’s a lot more convenient to just let them fall by the wayside than to actually try and make them work. But what happens when the friendship just kind of keeps sticking around, even though you know it’s long past time to say goodbye to someone?
I can name more than one person (OK, a whole lot more…I’m actually too embarrassed to tell you exactly how many) that I’ve been keeping around because they remind me of a time in my life when I was happy. When things were good, and I could count on steady plans every Friday night. Hell, even when things were bad–they were the people I knew were going to be there with a suggestion to go get ice cream at 2am. (Thank God for college towns and a 24-hour Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins, btw.)
But now, 2 years out of college, where do those friendships really fit into my new life?
They aren’t really people who will come visit me in Indiana. And they aren’t really the kind of people that I would die for the chance to spend a weekend crashing on their couches, either. So unless they happen to pass through town or I head their way and have a chance to grab lunch after spending time with a real friend, we aren’t going to be hanging out any time soon.
The sad part is, they used to be the kind of people who would absolutely come visit me at my new place. Can my place even be called new anymore, now that I’ve lived here more than a year and a half? Technically it would still be new to them, I guess, seeing as how they’ve never set foot inside. I’d say that totally counts.
And if you want to know the truth…one or two of those people have even been here before. But the way things have played out in our lives since then, I don’t know if I would really want to invite them back. They’ve become more of a burden than a person I’d actually care to spend my time with.
I’ve said numerous times that I don’t need to be in the business of turning down friendships. I can always use more people to hang out with or text when I’m bored. That’s probably why I do everything I can to stay friendly with exboyfriends or bitchy girls who I really have no need for anymore. But they want to be my friend still? Sure, let’s totally try hanging out again! Even though I know it is going to go very very badly.
In reality, though, those kind of relationships have a way of working themselves out. Push finally comes to shove and they seem to end on their own. The ones that just keep going, while being only mildly annoying–those are the friendships I’m worried about.
How do you break up with a friend that you’re only semi-friends with in the first place? A person that you know you’re going to want to text when things get hard or when something amazing happens? Sadly, I find myself asking if I truly want to share the news with these people or if I text them quite literally because I have almost no one else to tell.
To those of you who are actually important in my life, and I have no doubt that you know who you are, you guys rock and I will always call/text/email you first when something crazy awesome happens (which is more often than not, these days). But to those of you who are still out there on the fringe. I think it’s time to finally cut the cord.